The first one....

Okay, so I am going to do this.  Writing a blog seemed like a pretty daunting task at first, but hey, so is moving to Australia.  Right now I am using it as a procrastination technique to avoid the many, many other things I should be doing.  I did not think at first I would like to blog.  But, the more I thought about it, it just makes sense.  It will be a great way to journal our trip, it will give me something to focus on, to share feelings as I am trying to deal with whatever chaos is going on during the relocation, and it will give my friends and family a one-stop-shop to see what we are doing.  Carter is so excited to help with the blog.  He may even have some writings of his own in the future.

Right now we are gearing up for the trip.  The best way I can describe my current stress is to compare it to going through a bout of insomnia (which I occasionally suffer from).  I feel like it is 1:00 in the morning and I know I have a full day of work ahead of me.  But, I cannot fall asleep.  I am getting nowhere.  I can feel the minutes ticking away causing me to become even more panicked about the lack of sleep.  But yet, I lay there and CANNOT sleep.  The clock becomes my enemy.  I focus on how unprepared I will be for the next day and how I wish I could go back in time.  

This is how I feel preparing for this trip right now.  Time is slipping away from me.  I am not working anymore, Carter goes to school every day, and Aubrey goes to daycare 2 days a week.  I should be getting so much done, right?  I get up and do the necessary things to keep the household running, getting errands done, having final goodbyes with friends and family, and then focusing on tasks to get done for the trip.  Yet, I feel like I am treading water.  I feel as though I am not getting crucial things done.  The funny thing is, I am not even really sure what those crucial things are, but I am sure I am not doing them.  I know I am going to hit a brick wall where I am going to think "what have I been doing with all of my time!?!"  I am going to be feeling tired, beat up, and completely unprepared for our trip.  Then, I am going to have to get on that plane and hope for the best.

Last week, my feeling were completely different.  All I felt was excitement.  On my last day of work people asked, "Are you nervous?".  I said "No, I just can't wait for the trip to begin".  However, things got real once I stopped working and my sole purpose became to prepare for the trip.  We got an official leave date.  We are now setting up our temporary housing.  I still am very excited, but a few more feelings have snuck in.  I am starting to get nervous and scared.  The unknown awaits me.  I know NO ONE in Sydney other than the 3 people I am taking with me.  Yet, not for a moment do I regret this decision.  I truly believe God has led us to this juncture and this is our destiny, good or bad.  I tend to think it will be good though.

This post goes into my feelings a little more than future posts probably will.  I just have a lot on my mind right now.  I love my family.  I will get everything done on my list.  I am going to cherish my last moments with everyone I can't take with me.  Then, I just need to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.